14
May
30 day blog challenge: best pickup line ever
Having a picnic by myself in New Farm Park as I have an hour long work break
Chance of being accosted by homeless people desperate for a chat? 68-81%.
Given that you have an hour and a ciabatta maybe you could afford to chat to them for a few minutes of their otherwise wretched day of being treated like non-entities?
Or alternatively you could come and visit Spence and I at Ravenswood, where the living is easy.
I get harassed by scary people all the time around New Farm Park: I’m sure the majority of homeless people are lovely, but the ones that seem to want to talk to me terrify me. SORRY FOR BEING SCARED OF POSSIBLE RAPISTS. ITS JUST HOW I’VE BEEN SOCIALLY CONDITIONED, I KNOW THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE BUT I’M A SHORT GIRL WITH MINIMAL KARATE SKILLS. But next time I get an hour long break, I’d very much like to run into you! I thought I saw you during my break the other day and actually ran after the guy I thought was you and it WASN’T </3
I have an anecdote which conveniently ties in with my blog challenge (which I forgot to do yesterday. Oops).
Completely pissed off with my revolting house and equally revolting housemates who had absolutely no concept of personal space, I decided to spend the afternoon relaxing in a park by myself.
I went to a park near New Farm that overlooks the Storey Bridge, a quiet spot outside luxury apartments.
Notebook in hand, I walked past a group of friends having a picnic.
“Excuse me!” yelled a man with a straggly rat’s tail.
“Yes?”
“I have to go somewhere for 10 minutes,” he announced in front of the entire group. “Could you sit on my face until I come back?”
I blinked in shock, wondering what kind of person thinks this is perfectly okay to say to a stranger and in front of all of their friends, including some women. I wondered if he actually thought I’d say “yes please, I actually really love when grotty strangers offer me oral sex in the park”.
He grinned toothlessly.
“Dude,” I said after a while. “That is the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard.”
Awkward silence. I wished I could’ve said something cleverer, preferably something pertaining to having miniscule genitalia.
“Have a nice day,” said one of the women.
She looked more embarrassed than I was. I don’t blame her. Though if one of my male friends said something like that to girl, I don’t think I could just sit there and watch. Then again, my male friends have social skills and a full set of teeth.
